If you were to give yourself Mother's love how would that feel?
For me, mother's love feels like a safe, protective, snuggly, soft, warm blanket. A space where I can show all parts of myself without any judgement. Where there is unlimited grace and unconditional love.
Being a Vata Pitta dominant constitution, I grew up with a very strong conscience. It came naturally to me to feel GUILTY! I could feel guilty for the smallest thing ever. For e.g. borrowing someone's pencil and returning without sharpening it could make me feel guilty for days!
This guilt felt very heavy. Hence it made me extremely intentional in my actions. It became important to me to think before acting rather than regretting later and I became really good at keeping guilt at bay.
When I became a mother, I lost ALL control over the guilt! Guilt completely CONSUMED me. I woke up every morning with a heavy sinking feeling in my heart. I was not showing up as the mother I wanted to be. I had not fed my child enough, I didn't provide enough opportunities for growth, I didn't spend enough time with him, I got upset with him and the list of regrets went on and on.
The more guilty I felt, the more out of balance I became and the guilt kept piling on till I decided to put an end to it!
Doing my inner work and working with my belief patterns helped me get out of the Guilt Trap and give myself 'Mother's Love'.
What did I do? These are top three of my many discoveries:
- I reframed my role in my children's life.It is my job only to provide opportunities to them for food, play, growth and to LISTEN without judgement. It is up to THEM what they want to put their energies on. They are also being guided by their own intuition even if they are just children!
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I don't always know what is best for my child. Only the divine mother knows.
Whenever I feel lost or clueless about my children's future, I turn to her for guidance and everytime she shows up in their lives to help them make helpful decisions. For e.g. When my middle schooler had to choose an elective, he got delayed in the paper work and ended up choosing a second language rather than Robotics. Instead of freaking out, we surrendered to divine planning and for sure, it turned out to be an excellent choice for him. He is doing really well with the language and somewhere we know that it will be helpful for him in serving his soul purpose.
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I am the parent but I don't need to have all the answers!
Lately I have been worried about my child's diet. It has not been very healthy. Instead of fretting and fuming over it, we sat down together with my child and had a discussion. I shared my concerns with him in a very calm manner and he saw my genuine concern for him. He then responded with some healthy food choices that he could eat and we worked out a new meal plan for him.
Reducing my attachment to my children's progress and trusting their own intuition has been a game changer for me.
Like Swami Chinmayanandaji says "Children are like lamps to be lit and not vessels to be filled".
I see my role as a facilitator more than a Mother.
And that helps me give myself 'Mother's Love'. The more I love myself, the more I am able to show up for my children.
I now find that I radiate a 'Safe and Loving Mom Energy' to other people.
Would you like to radiate that energy as well?
What would you need to do to give yourself Mother's Love?
Answer in comments. I would love to know your views!
Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day!